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Politics

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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The Republican Majority

Last week, Bush became the first Republican president to be re-elected with House and Senate majorities since 1924. What do you think?
  • "So they still control the House, Senate, and Oval Office? Well, at least we still have the smug, condescending attitude that cost us the election in the first place."

    Beverly Banks Systems <br>Analyst
  • "Our nation may be bitterly divided, but at least our government can agree on being ultra-conservative."

    Edgar Mendez Data Keyer
  • "What's so bad about this? Could some Democrat explain it to me in under an hour, without starting to scream or cry?"

    Sam Howell Credit Checker
  • "Now that the Republicans run Congress, the White House, and soon the Supreme Court, they'll just have to invent some new branches of government to dominate, as well."

    Ted Jacobs Dentist
  • "The fact that 48 percent of Americans voted for a boring placeholder like John Kerry is actually a really good sign for the Left."

    Leo Watts Custom Tailor
  • "Hold on. I'm being text-messaged orders from my Republican congressman on how to proceed next. Put clothes in dryer? Yes, Rep. Burchardt."

    Erika Williamson Interior Designer

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