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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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The Return Of Flag Burning

On April 29, the Senate Judiciary Committee voted 11-7 to send an anti-flag-burning amendment to the full Senate floor. What do you think about the prospect of such a constitutional ban?
  • "Think about it: a constitutional amendment limiting civil liberties so that protesters will no longer be able to burn flags? It just makes sense."

    Lydia Bochte Nurse
  • "Why can't people get this straight? Flags are for flying; crosses are for burning."

    Larry Stoddard Systems Analyst
  • "Flag burning? It's fine, I suppose. Unless, of course, it's an American flag. Then it should be illegal."

    Joan Nelson Homemaker
  • "This amendment hasn't even been passed, and I've already been convicted of burning a flag. Maybe it had something to do with that Perkins that was attached to it."

    Gene Bannister Auto Mechanic
  • "I've got a bunch of American-flag napkins from last July 4th. Can I still wipe mustard off my face with them if this amendment passes? 'Cause I've got a real problem with mustard spillage, to be honest."

    Geoff Cruz Forklift Operator
  • "When I think about the countless flags being burned in this country every day, I must admit that something, no matter how drastic, must be done."

    Ken Bulling Bond Trader

More from this section

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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