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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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The Return Of Flag Burning

On April 29, the Senate Judiciary Committee voted 11-7 to send an anti-flag-burning amendment to the full Senate floor. What do you think about the prospect of such a constitutional ban?
  • "Think about it: a constitutional amendment limiting civil liberties so that protesters will no longer be able to burn flags? It just makes sense."

    Lydia Bochte Nurse
  • "Why can't people get this straight? Flags are for flying; crosses are for burning."

    Larry Stoddard Systems Analyst
  • "Flag burning? It's fine, I suppose. Unless, of course, it's an American flag. Then it should be illegal."

    Joan Nelson Homemaker
  • "This amendment hasn't even been passed, and I've already been convicted of burning a flag. Maybe it had something to do with that Perkins that was attached to it."

    Gene Bannister Auto Mechanic
  • "I've got a bunch of American-flag napkins from last July 4th. Can I still wipe mustard off my face with them if this amendment passes? 'Cause I've got a real problem with mustard spillage, to be honest."

    Geoff Cruz Forklift Operator
  • "When I think about the countless flags being burned in this country every day, I must admit that something, no matter how drastic, must be done."

    Ken Bulling Bond Trader

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