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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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The Return Of Mad Cow

Mad-cow disease is once again sweeping Europe, prompting renewed fears on this side of the Atlantic, including a New York-area recall of Mamba, a candy that contains beef gelatin. What do you think?
  • "So long as Mallo Cups remain untainted, I care little about this."

    Matt Maldonado Bartender
  • "Now I can finally unload all this mad-cow-related merchandise."

    Oscar Kinnard Systems Analyst
  • "Mad Cow? Isn't that the guy on the Z-106 Morning Nuthouse? I always knew there was something wrong with him."

    Victoria Ewart Legal Secretary
  • "People are overlooking an important aspect of this crisis: Have you actually seen a cow staggering around drooling? It's hilarious."

    Warren Hough Civil Engineer
  • "Does this candy knock children unconscious for an hour or so? Oh. Never mind, then."

    Benjamin Ruff Machinist
  • "Germany is being forced to slaughter 400,000 cattle. Luckily, they're pretty good at that sort of thing."

    Susan Royce Hairstylist

More from this section

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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