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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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The Rice Confirmation

After a delay caused by Congressional Democrats, Condoleezza Rice will be confirmed as Secretary of State this week. What do you think?
  • "Great. Now the public face of U.S. diplomacy is that of a pissed-off terrier."

    Ted Ramos Upholsterer
  • "Ms. Rice should make an ideal Secretary of State. She's already proved to the U.S. that she can evade questions in front of a Congressional panel."

    Michael Shaw Systems Analyst
  • "I say, why not give Condi a shot as Secretary of State? It might help her self-esteem and encourage her to start taking an interest in her appearance."

    Colleen Burns Appraiser
  • "The implications are profound. She's paved the way for a black female to perform with the Capitol Steps."

    Peter Swain Unemployed
  • "So she had to explain why she's the best candidate for the job? Big deal. I had to do that last week when I applied at Panda Express."

    Gregory Gordon Cashier
  • "Twenty years ago, I never would've believed that we'd have a black, female Secretary of State, much less one who was a conservative warmonger, too. We've come a long way."

    Joy Mattingly Designer

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