The Roaring '90s

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New York City Abuzz Over New Resident

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Ranking Women Somehow Not Issue In Miss USA Debacle

NEW YORK—As backlash against the Miss USA pageant continues to spread following controversial anti-immigration remarks made by the contest’s owner, Donald Trump, sources confirmed this week that the overt ranking of women is somehow not a part of the ongoing nationwide outrage.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Roaring '90s

With Wall Street soaring and unemployment low, America is enjoying its greatest prosperity since the mid-'80s. What do you think about the current economic boom?
  • "The boom has been really visible around here: Lately, a lot of people are coming in and ordering the nine-piece McNuggets instead of the six."

    Duane Trammell
    Cashier
  • "If the economy is doing so well, then why, like so many hard-working Americans, can I still not afford a decent speedboat?"

    Steve DesJardins
    Pediatrician
  • "I think I'm going to have two extra babies this year!"

    Becky Woodson
    Homemaker
  • "I'm so rich I'm going to sit in my desert house, watch Ice Station Zebra around the clock and grow my nails and hair out."

    Lou Steinhauer
    Architect
  • "Congress should appropriate money for shades to shield people's eyes from the potentially harmful effects of the nation's unusually bright future."

    Ted O'Brien
    Systems Analyst
  • "I don't see how the economy has improved so much. I'm still living in a crude dirt hole, with nothing to eat but nuts and berries. Oh, wait. I'm a vole."

    Cynthia Poulson
    Graphic Designer
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