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The Robert Blake Murder Case

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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The Robert Blake Murder Case

Arrested nearly a year after his wife was fatally shot, actor Robert Blake is pleading not guilty to murder charges. What do you think?
  • "This is the new O.J.! Except nobody gives a fuck, and there's a tiny sliver of a possibility that Blake didn't actually do it."

    Carl Morgan Electrician
  • "His pet cockatoo Fred must be rolling in his cigar-box grave over this."

    Milt Herndon File Clerk
  • "Bonny Lee Bakley was hardly a saint. She was a con-woman, a grifter. A flim-flammer and a bunko artist. This doll had more angles than an octagon."

    Rick Evans Systems Analyst
  • "Before we jump to any conclusions about Robert Blake's guilt or innocence, we should first consult the Internet Movie Database to make sure he's still alive."

    Paul LeMaster Chemical Engineer
  • "As the man himself said, 'Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night.' I'm sorry—I thought we were talking about William Blake."

    Andrea Stennett Optometrist
  • "Oh, those washed-up celebrities! Who will they kill next?"

    Diane Venable Librarian

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