adBlockCheck

The Saudi Peace Plan

Top Headlines

International

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Saudi Peace Plan

A Middle East peace plan from Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah has generated hope among both Palestinians and Israelis. What do you think?
  • "I applaud Saudi Arabia for being willing to compromise on the degree to which Israel is wrong."

    Vicki Kjell Nurse
  • "I think the U.S. should endorse Crown Prince Abdullah's plan only after exhaustive review by King Vitaman and Queen Sara Saturday."

    Robert Zisk Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, the Grammys and a Middle East peace plan, all in one week."

    Bryan Brecht Carpet Installer
  • "This proposal is being put forth by a corrupt kingdom on behalf of two ancient sworn enemies whose agendas are dictated by their most extreme factions. How could it fail?"

    Isaac Robinson Defense Attorney
  • "These Saudis are just a bunch of Jimmy Carter wannabes."

    Miriam Holt Interior Decorator
  • "Hurrah! Peace at last!"

    Fred Duffy Clerk

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close