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The School-Choice Debate

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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The School-Choice Debate

Debate is raging over the issue of school choice, whose advocates are calling for tax-supported vouchers that can go toward private-school tuition. What do you think?
  • "Me and all my friends here in Compton are hoping to go to Phillips-Exeter Preparatory Academy if this initiative passes."

    Bobby Moore Student
  • "The thing I like best about this plan is that it will help those who need it least."

    Stephen Reichel Chiropractor
  • "If private school is anything like it was in the 1983 teen sex romp of the same name, I want a voucher."

    Marty Slocum Systems Analyst
  • "Can't we argue about something more important to our children's education, like, say, prayer?"

    Stephanie Chambers Hairstylist
  • "This is a great way to solve all the problems caused by desegregation."

    Rich Bartholomew Gardener
  • "If I could go to one school, it would definitely have to be Degrassi High."

    Margaret Cort Painter

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