The Social Security Time Bomb

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


The Social Security Time Bomb

Experts continue to urge Congress to cut the growth of Social Security, warning that the nation faces unsustainable deficits if action isn't taken. What do you think?
  • "This certainly is bad news for the elderly, coming as it does on the heels of the Federal Aging and Ice Floes Act."

    Julie Hunt
  • "It's news like this that makes me wish I could stay 59 forever."

    Donald Nelson
  • "It's good I already have a taste for dog food."

    Jimmy Shaw
    Carpet Installer
  • "So much for my plan to live off Social Security while I travel the country banging Denny's cashiers in my Airstream."

    Dan Cox
  • "This is really an economics issue. Were it, say, a women's-studies issue, I might have more insight to share."

    Emily Holmes
  • "Everybody, relax. We'll be fine as soon as we get our money back from Iraq."

    Albert Robertson
    Systems Analyst