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The Social Security Time Bomb

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
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The Social Security Time Bomb

Experts continue to urge Congress to cut the growth of Social Security, warning that the nation faces unsustainable deficits if action isn't taken. What do you think?
  • "This certainly is bad news for the elderly, coming as it does on the heels of the Federal Aging and Ice Floes Act."

    Julie Hunt Teacher
  • "It's news like this that makes me wish I could stay 59 forever."

    Donald Nelson Inspector
  • "It's good I already have a taste for dog food."

    Jimmy Shaw Carpet Installer
  • "So much for my plan to live off Social Security while I travel the country banging Denny's cashiers in my Airstream."

    Dan Cox Mechanic
  • "This is really an economics issue. Were it, say, a women's-studies issue, I might have more insight to share."

    Emily Holmes Professor
  • "Everybody, relax. We'll be fine as soon as we get our money back from Iraq."

    Albert Robertson Systems Analyst

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