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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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The Social Security Time Bomb

Experts continue to urge Congress to cut the growth of Social Security, warning that the nation faces unsustainable deficits if action isn't taken. What do you think?
  • "This certainly is bad news for the elderly, coming as it does on the heels of the Federal Aging and Ice Floes Act."

    Julie Hunt Teacher
  • "It's news like this that makes me wish I could stay 59 forever."

    Donald Nelson Inspector
  • "It's good I already have a taste for dog food."

    Jimmy Shaw Carpet Installer
  • "So much for my plan to live off Social Security while I travel the country banging Denny's cashiers in my Airstream."

    Dan Cox Mechanic
  • "This is really an economics issue. Were it, say, a women's-studies issue, I might have more insight to share."

    Emily Holmes Professor
  • "Everybody, relax. We'll be fine as soon as we get our money back from Iraq."

    Albert Robertson Systems Analyst
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