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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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The Spam Epidemic

Congress is exploring ways to combat the problem of "spam," the wave of junk e-mail that has clogged e-mail systems and cost U.S. businesses billions. What do you think?
  • "Thank goodness Congress is going to do something about this problem. This should all be cleared up in, like, three weeks."

    Gene Kelso Office Manager
  • "Gee, you make one little online inquiry into dripping wet teen pussies getting pounded by 12-inch horse cocks, and you're swamped for the rest of your life."

    Andrew Reed Forklift Operator
  • "Every day, I get these annoying spams that are nothing but cookie recipes and forwarded articles about the benefits of Vitamin C and photos of cats. Wait--those are from my mom."

    Patti Robles Art Director
  • "MY NAME IS ALFRED MUGABE. I KNOW OF 10 MILLIONS U.S. DOLLARS IN A NIGERIAN BANK AND MUST FIND AN ACCOUNT INTO WHICH TO TRANSFER THE MONIES."

    Alfred Mugabe Businessman
  • "If not for spam, I never would have met my boyfriend. His name is 8g391b66t274@prize- claimcenter.com."

    Marcia Haines Real-Estate Broker
  • "Even more disturbing than this never-ending torrent of junk e-mail is the fact that, apparently, they must actually work once in a while."

    Chris Kingery Systems Analyst

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