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The Subway Series

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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The Subway Series

For the first time in 44 years, baseball's World Series is a Subway Series, with the New York Mets and New York Yankees squaring off. What do you think of the all-Big Apple Fall Classic?
  • "At long last, the eyes of the nation are finally on New York."

    Danielle Coomes Graduate Student
  • "It'll be exciting to see which team's fans get to trash Times Square in victory rioting."

    Maryellen Janus Linguist
  • "As an Upper East Side Yankee fan, I prefer to think of this as a Door-To-Door Car-Service Series."

    Bill Anderson Stock Broker
  • "Know what would make this perfect? If there were some sort of hat or shirt that people excited about the series could buy and wear. Wait, wait–hear me out on this."

    Ray Loney File Clerk
  • "This is just the sort of thing that leads to epic, era-defining novels of the American experience by Don DeLillo."

    Larry Boone Systems Analyst
  • "I've been waiting years for this glorious event. What? No, I'm not a Met or Yankee fan. I'm a terrorist with a relatively small amount of plutonium."

    Victor Kritikos Trader

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