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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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The Tax-Cut Proposal

In his first major initiative as president, George W. Bush is lobbying hard for a controversial $1.6 trillion tax cut. What do you think?
  • "Finally, the burden of raising a family on a meager factory-job salary will be lifted slightly. What? It won't? Damn."

    Sunil Bardeekian Forklift Operator
  • "Is this one of those things that sounds great but only benefits the rich? Or is it one of those genuinely great, fairytale things that never really happens?"

    Hillary Green Art Historian
  • "I'm not sure what to make of all this. Can I get back to you after tonight's O'Reilly Factor?"

    Jill Yablonsky Homemaker
  • "A 10-year, $1.6 trillion cut to revive a softening economy and rein in spending impulses in Congress? Four words: Party at my place!"

    Frank Muncie Systems Analyst
  • "Income tax? Geez, I thought that highway toll I paid when we went to Taste Of Chicago last year took care of everything."

    Bill Bohnert Custodian
  • "This would be a tremendous boon to me and my fellow corporate titans if any of us actually paid taxes."

    Tom Wilhoyte CEO

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