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The Ten Commandments

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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
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The Ten Commandments

Legislatures in 12 states have taken measures this year to permit the display of the Ten Commandments in public schools and buildings. What do you think about this challenge to the separation of church and state?
  • "It's about time our nation's educators took steps to address the rampant problem of false-witness-bearing among our nation's youths."

    Irwin Wagner Systems Analyst
  • "I'm all for showing The Ten Commandments in public buildings. Have you seen it? Edward G. Robinson is hilarious."

    Frank Boggs Advertising Director
  • "I'm opposed to the Ten Commandments being posted at my county's courthouse. The decision of whether or not to kill should be left up to the individual."

    Bill Murvin Delivery Driver
  • "The Ten Commandments should be posted in all courtrooms. And the U.S. Constitution should be glued onto Jesus' chest in every church in America."

    Heidi Mancuso Psychologist
  • "Today's children need guidance. And nothing gets a bigger response out of kids than a list of rules hung on a wall."

    Judith Cole Librarian
  • "Sure, I think they should be posted in my high school. Only, they should add an 11th Commandment that says, 'Thou shalt not be such a fuckin' pussy, Jeff Pleisner.' Because Jeff Pleisner is such a fuckin' pussy."

    Brian Froehm Student

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