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The Ten Commandments Ruling

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Nation’s Homophobic Bigots Pack It In

‘Rules Are Rules,’ Say Those With Deeply Ingrained Prejudices

WASHINGTON—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling that bans on same-sex marriage were unconstitutional, the nation’s homophobic bigots reportedly conceded today that “rules are rules” and announced that they were going to pack it in.

Supreme Court Gathers To Watch Baby Justices Hatch

WASHINGTON—Crowding around a small glass incubator in their personal chambers for a better vantage point, all nine members of the U.S. Supreme Court reportedly gathered Tuesday to watch a brood of baby justices hatch from their eggs.

Grasshopper Dismembered By Future Supreme Court Justice

CASTLE ROCK, CO—Nearly 45 years before he is to be appointed to the Supreme Court by the 51st president of the United States, Lucas Bevins, 8, reportedly spent Thursday afternoon ripping the legs and antennae off of a grasshopper he found in his bac...

Nation Celebrates What Is, Technically Speaking, Progress

WASHINGTON—Following two Supreme Court rulings today that allowed homosexuals in California to wed, extended federal benefits to same-sex married couples, but stopped short of calling gay marriage constitutional, the nation celebrated what is, techn...

Supreme Court On Gay Marriage: 'Sure, Who Cares'

WASHINGTON—Ten minutes into oral arguments over whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry one another, a visibly confounded Supreme Court stopped legal proceedings Tuesday and ruled that gay marriage was “perfectly fine” and ...
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The Ten Commandments Ruling

State Supreme Court justices recently ordered that a Ten Commandments monument be removed from the Alabama Judicial Building. What do you think?
  • "At the rate the liberals are going, it won't be long before our country has an official policy mandating the separation of church and state."

    Stanley Welty Systems Analyst
  • "I support its removal. A monument to the Ten Commandments is a graven image, and therefore blasphemous."

    Opal Birch Loan Counselor
  • "Alabama was just using that monument as a cheap, easy way to score some God points anyway."

    Lawrence Petty Program Director
  • "People can be so stupid about religion. I always have to explain my 'I'm A Fundament-tail-ist!' T-shirt to people. It means I like ass-fucking, all right?"

    Jeff Rawson Groundskeeper
  • "I know they have to take down the big granite monument at the Judicial Building, but what about the small tin sign tacked up in the Negro Courtshack?"

    Kay Sines Talent Director
  • "Let them have their statue. It's Alabama. No one there can read it, anyway."

    Arthur Serra Order Filler

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