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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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The Text Message Turns 20

Twenty years ago yesterday, London-based software engineer Neil Papworth sent the world’s first text message, “Merry Christmas,” to a telecommunications executive at a party across town. What do you think?

  • “For me, text messages will never even begin to approach the sexy anticipation of the fax.”

    Loni Carpendale Disulfurizer Tender
  • “Oh, cool. What texts have people sent since then?”

    Ken Blitz Unemployed
  • “I can’t even imagine what people did at parties before texting.”

    Godfrey Agnew Hoist Operator
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