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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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The War In Chechnya

During last week's State Of The Union Address, President Clinton called upon Russia to pull out of Chechnya, where, for the past six months, war has raged between Russia and a band of Chechen rebels. What do you think about this worsening international crisis?
  • "The U.S. should waste no time in condemning General Mashimkov's brutal occupation of the city of Plovsk in the Chechen province of Azgakasban. Okay, I made that up."

    Dennis Walker Systems Analyst
  • "Who cares about some stupid little war way off in the Caucasus Mountains? Hey, wait... Those people are Caucasians! The U.S. must send in troops at once!"

    Isaac Roth Investment Analyst
  • "I feel close to this issue on a personal level, as I have a next-door neighbor who is from a country I've never heard of and don't care about."

    Pat Eisenreich Machinist
  • "I need George Orwell to break this down into livestock terms for me."

    Lee Wooton Factory Worker
  • "Chechnya? So much is said about these itinerant mountain goatherders who rebelled against Russia, but little is ever mentioned of the innocent goats, caught in the crossfire."

    Jennifer Huhn Massage Therapist
  • "I'm sorry. I can't think of the situation clearly without that 'I feel like Chechen tonight, like Chechen tonight!' song going through my head."

    Jane Mortman Guidance Counselor

More from this section

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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