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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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The Widening Income Gap

According to a recent report based on census data, the gap between the rich and poor widened in 2003. What do you think?
  • "Good. I was having a hard time telling the rich and poor apart."

    Rick Lembecker Developer
  • "What does 'rich' or 'poor' even mean? And before you start, I don't want to hear any of that 'annual household income' nonsense."

    Andrew Meijor Social Worker
  • "Sure, the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. But the great untold story is that the people in the exact middle are becoming a whole lot middler, too."

    Sheila Reed Nurse
  • "If this keeps up, I might finally be able to hire myself a white maid."

    Gary Wundrow Systems Analyst
  • "I realize that, historically, phrases like 'massive redistribution of wealth' are usually accompanied by rivers of blood. That said, it's about time for a massive redistribution of wealth."

    Kimberly Szaflarski Bill Collector
  • "Bottom line is, you're not buying this lawn mower."

    David Martinovich Salesman

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