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Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

SECAUCUS, NJ—Wondering aloud how the father of three even managed to find the online image-hosting service, family members of local dad Phil Yates told reporters Monday the 57-year-old had shared a photo album with them through a never-before-seen website.

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NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

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Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.
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The World War II Memorial

The planned WWII Memorial on the National Mall has sparked controversy, its critics questioning its necessity, location, and design. What do you think?
  • "I think the solution is to keep talking about this for the next 20 years. Then, when the last WWII veteran finally dies, we can just drop the whole thing."

    Ronald Herr Landscaper
  • "Isn't Tom Brokaw's plan to personally fellate every living WWII veteran thanks enough?"

    Phillip Porter Systems Analyst
  • "I'm not convinced what they did was so great. I made it to the end of Castle Wolfenstein in, like, two hours."

    David Andujar Auto Mechanic
  • "This monument ruins the symmetry of the national mall. The World War III one, though, will nicely balance the south end and lead the eye toward the reflecting pool."

    Larry Hendrick Airline Pilot Larry Hendrick Airline Pilot
  • "Those WWII vets are just jealous of the Vietnam vets and Holocaust survivors."

    Elizabeth Oberkfell Translator
  • "Only by building a memorial to those who risked their lives for their country can we finally shut them up."

    Dana Forsch Social Worker

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