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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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The Worldwide AIDS Crisis

AIDS in the Third World, particularly Africa, is an ever-growing problem. What do you think?
  • "Wow, storage costs for that AIDS quilt must be skyrocketing."

    Jay Litton Busboy
  • "That's it. Call off the Olympics."

    Thomas Batson Banker
  • "Normally, I'd have sympathy for the Third World, but you've gotta admit it's their fault for being gay."

    Gayle Showalter Teacher
  • "AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa is on the rise because sufferers have failed to ask their doctors about Combivir®."

    Shelli Madden Food Scientist
  • "We're losing the war on AIDS. And drugs. And poverty. And terror. But we sure took it to those Nazis. Man, those were the days."

    Glen Luther Systems Analyst
  • "We can't just throw money at the problem. Or discuss it in the political arena. Or address it at all."

    Yi Shade Foreman

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