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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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THG And The NFL

A string of scandals has prompted the NFL to impose stricter testing standards for performance-enhancing drugs, especially the steroid THG. What do you think?
  • "Sports-wise, I don't have any experience with performance-enhancing drugs...only the spectation-enhancing kind."

    Jesse Scott Painter
  • "Huh. So, Bill Romanowski tested positive for high levels of THUG?"

    Tammy Rinaldi Programmer
  • "I'm glad drugs are out of the hands of radio hosts and into the hands of athletes, where they belong."

    Robert Neighbors Statistician
  • "It's admirable that those athletes only use drugs that enhance performance. Today's kids could learn a lot from these role models."

    Patty Grubner Convention Planner
  • "Apparently, the type of performance-enhancing drugs the Raiders were using aren't the kind that help you pressure the quarterback, stop the run, or establish a goddamn passing game."

    Albert Kinard Systems <br>Analyst
  • "THG? It's harmless. I use it to clean my coffee maker. I don't see why everyone's so RAHRRRRR!"

    Joe Wendt Interpreter

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