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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Third Of Fish Sold In U.S. Mislabeled As Different Species

Using genetic testing, researchers found that one-third of all fish sold as food in the U.S. was actually a different species than the one listed on the label or menu, with sushi bars misleading consumers most often. What do you think?

  • “Then it’s a good thing I don’t care what goes in my body.”

    Troy McManus Unemployed
  • “I doubt the sushi places are doing it intentionally. I bet the guys doing the study just don’t know how to order correctly.”

    Jenna Mosko Stable Attendant
  • “That’s why I stick to eating ground beef. I may not know what’s in it, but I know it’s gotta be one of four animals.”

    Jorge Zapata Rivet Heater

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