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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Third World Debt Relief

An estimated 10,000 people descended upon World Bank and IMF meetings in Washington last week, demanding debt relief for impoverished Third World nations. What do you think?
  • "No fucking way we should let them off the hook–I want back those 80 bucks I lent Honduras."

    Reggie Bey Truck Driver
  • "Damn. I wish I had known about this debt-relief argument when Ferndale State Bank repossessed my Ski-Doo."

    Lee Doane Civil Engineer
  • "I'm doing my part to relieve Third World debt: I always order the Botswana Breakfast Blend at Starbucks."

    Jennifer Sims Student
  • "I can't believe these Third World nations think they can just rack up all these international debts and never be expected to pay them back. The U.S. could never get away with something like that."

    June Ritchie Florist
  • "I agree with the EMF protesters. The musical atrocities committed by this early-'90s British dance-rock quintet are truly unbelievable."

    Fred Singletary Systems Analyst
  • "With World Bank rates at an all-time high, it makes more sense than ever for Africa to consolidate its debt with a treasury certificate from 1-800-LOAN-YES. Hi, I'm Hall Of Fame pitcher Jim Palmer."

    Jim Palmer Baseball Great

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