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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Thomas The Tank Engine Theme Park Announced

Massachusetts heritage railroad site Edaville USA has announced that it will soon break ground on a theme park based on the children’s television series Thomas the Tank Engine. What do you think?

  • “Thank God they’re finally building a theme park my kids will never drag me to.”

    Allie Maserole Focus Group Coordinator
  • “Yet another reason to visit Edaville!”

    Carl Stepp Magnet Tester
  • “I still don’t get how this would be more fun than just hanging out at a regular train station.”

    Eric Nathe Key Clerk

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