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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Three-Parent Embryo Developed

British scientists claim to have created an embryo with genes from three people. What do you think?
  • "What? A conception that strays from traditional heterosexual marital union? Where's my congressman?"

    Michael Hartman Millwright
  • "God, I hope the three British people weren't all from the royal family."

    Ethan Richards EMT
  • "So what? A lot of people already have three parents. My own daughter has blue eyes like her one daddy, and she likes to stay up late and bounce checks at the liquor store just like the other."

    Emma Morganstern Physical Therapy Aide
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