Time In Outer Space Lengthens Worms' Lives

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Time In Outer Space Lengthens Worms' Lives

A study of microscopic worms taken aboard the International Space Station found that the suppression of several genes during their exposure to a microgravity environment resulted in longer life spans. What do you think?

  • “Is there a way I could send my old pal Tapey up there? I’d sure like to be able to give her a few more years.”

    Marie Mercincavage
    Health Care Researcher
  • “Or you can keep them in the fridge and they'll live longer that way, too.”

    Luke Fehrenbach
    Unemployed
  • “The numbers are great, but I'm more concerned about worm quality of life.”

    Liz Ryder
    Addiction Specialist