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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Tobacco-Addiction Center Found

Scientists have located the part of the brain linked to cigarette addiction. What do you think?
  • "What a great day for humanity. Pretty soon, none of our shitty behavior will be our fault."

    Arthur Quigle Scrap-Yard Worker
  • "If it's the brain that's responsible and not the nicotine, we all have some major-tobacco-company apologizing to do."

    Lacey Janson Pilot
  • "Great! So could you hit that part with a board or pipe for me? Because I'm really needing a fix right now."

    Omar Abbas Construction Worker
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