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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Tobacco-Addiction Center Found

Scientists have located the part of the brain linked to cigarette addiction. What do you think?
  • "What a great day for humanity. Pretty soon, none of our shitty behavior will be our fault."

    Arthur Quigle Scrap-Yard Worker
  • "If it's the brain that's responsible and not the nicotine, we all have some major-tobacco-company apologizing to do."

    Lacey Janson Pilot
  • "Great! So could you hit that part with a board or pipe for me? Because I'm really needing a fix right now."

    Omar Abbas Construction Worker
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