adBlockCheck

Recent News

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

Today’s Kids Take 1.5 Mins Longer To Run Mile Than ’80s Kids

The American Heart Association found that children today take 90 seconds longer to run a mile than did children 30 years ago, with researchers attributing 30 to 60 percent of the decline in running performance to kids’ increasing fat mass. What do you think?

  • “Being able to move your body just isn’t relevant to today’s kids.”

    Billy Heimann Unemployed
  • “The ’80s were a special time filled with fast times and even faster kids.”

    Heather Webster Pipe Cutter
  • “Yeah, but kids back then had the advantage of three-stripe knee-high socks.”

    Rock Kahn Private Eye Detective
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings