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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Today’s Kids Take 1.5 Mins Longer To Run Mile Than ’80s Kids

The American Heart Association found that children today take 90 seconds longer to run a mile than did children 30 years ago, with researchers attributing 30 to 60 percent of the decline in running performance to kids’ increasing fat mass. What do you think?

  • “Being able to move your body just isn’t relevant to today’s kids.”

    Billy Heimann Unemployed
  • “The ’80s were a special time filled with fast times and even faster kids.”

    Heather Webster Pipe Cutter
  • “Yeah, but kids back then had the advantage of three-stripe knee-high socks.”

    Rock Kahn Private Eye Detective

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