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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Tom DeLay Resigns

Amidst mounting accusations and criminal charges of ethics violations, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay announced yesterday that he is resigning from his post. What do you think?
  • "What does this man have to look forward to? Some multimillion-dollar consulting position at a mega-corporation? I hope he's on suicide watch."

    Amanda Marcotte Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know how Democrats will fail to capitalize on this GOP debacle, but I'm sure they'll find a way."

    Moulitsas Zíniga Produce Vendor
  • "Termites, rodents, and ants beware: Your 20-year free pass is over."

    John Amato Dietician

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