adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tom DeLay Resigns

Amidst mounting accusations and criminal charges of ethics violations, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay announced yesterday that he is resigning from his post. What do you think?
  • "What does this man have to look forward to? Some multimillion-dollar consulting position at a mega-corporation? I hope he's on suicide watch."

    Amanda Marcotte Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know how Democrats will fail to capitalize on this GOP debacle, but I'm sure they'll find a way."

    Moulitsas Zíniga Produce Vendor
  • "Termites, rodents, and ants beware: Your 20-year free pass is over."

    John Amato Dietician

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close