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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Tom DeLay Steps Down

Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) was recently indicted on charges of conspiracy in a campaign-financing scheme, and forced to temporarily step down as House majority leader. What do you think?
  • "They'll never make those charges stick! No jail can hold Tom DeLay!"

    Todd Eldridge Painter
  • "My prayers are with the poor, leaderless House Republican majority tonight."

    Andy Rocco Chef
  • "I don't want to jump to conclusions here, but it seems like absolute power might have some effect on people."

    Kathy Ross Seamstress

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