adBlockCheck

Recent News

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tom Snyder Dead At 71

Late night talk-show host Tom Snyder died Sunday after a long battle with leukemia. What do you think?
  • "It's not inconceivable that, even in this state, he could get another show."

    Ben Weissman Grocer
  • "He'll be missed. He had that unique quality where no matter how much he knew about the people he was interviewing, he still sounded dated and out of touch."

    Robert Green Safety Inspector
  • "I'll miss his boisterous laugh. It always woke me up when I had fallen asleep on the couch."

    Ellen Clarke Product Tester
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close