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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Tom Snyder Dead At 71

Late night talk-show host Tom Snyder died Sunday after a long battle with leukemia. What do you think?
  • "It's not inconceivable that, even in this state, he could get another show."

    Ben Weissman Grocer
  • "He'll be missed. He had that unique quality where no matter how much he knew about the people he was interviewing, he still sounded dated and out of touch."

    Robert Green Safety Inspector
  • "I'll miss his boisterous laugh. It always woke me up when I had fallen asleep on the couch."

    Ellen Clarke Product Tester

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