adBlockCheck

TomKitten's Silent Birth

Top Headlines

Recent News

Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

TomKitten's Silent Birth

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter Suri was born Tuesday under Scientology's strict "silent birth" guidelines. What do you think?
  • "I read that the only sound allowed in the delivery room was the Cocktail soundtrack, on constant loop."

    Veronica Miller
    Senior Account Executive
  • "This 'silent birth' will seem like nothing compared to the 'silent post-partum depression' she'll go through for the next 10 months."

    Josh McCulloch
    Optician
  • "That's great that the baby wasn't psychologically scarred. Now what about those of us who endured the press coverage?"

    Ashleigh McKinney
    Research Librarian

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close