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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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TomKitten's Silent Birth

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter Suri was born Tuesday under Scientology's strict "silent birth" guidelines. What do you think?
  • "I read that the only sound allowed in the delivery room was the Cocktail soundtrack, on constant loop."

    Veronica Miller Senior Account Executive
  • "This 'silent birth' will seem like nothing compared to the 'silent post-partum depression' she'll go through for the next 10 months."

    Josh McCulloch Optician
  • "That's great that the baby wasn't psychologically scarred. Now what about those of us who endured the press coverage?"

    Ashleigh McKinney Research Librarian
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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