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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Tongue Stud May Cause Tooth Gap

A case study in the Journal Of Clinical Orthodontics showed that over a period of seven years, a young woman playing with her tongue stud inadvertently caused a gap to form between her front teeth. What do you think?

  • "Who cares? In seven years we'll all be so old anyway."

    Eileen Nahem Cashier
  • "If you're going to put something roundish and irritating on your tongue for that long, why not make it a microscopic pebble? At least you'll eventually produce a pearl."

    Renaldo Gonzalez Systems Analyst
  • "Seven years? But the Omar Sharif look-alike contest is this weekend!"

    Kevin Tessler Delivery Driver
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