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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Tonight Show Features Live Ad

Tuesday's broadcast of The Tonight Show included a live commercial, its first since 1995. What do you think?
  • "It's amazing how TiVo has revolutionized the way we avoid watching commercials. Can you believe I actually used to go to the bathroom?"

    Gretchen Eiger Animal Rights Advocate
  • "That certainly is an innovative new approach to advertising in the TiVo era, but even more amazing than that is Pepcid AC. Did you know that you can take Pepcid AC up to an hour before you eat to prevent heartburn?"

    Alex DuBrow Steam Fitter
  • "Finally, something fresh on Leno."

    Bruce Luxembourg Laser Eye Surgeon

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