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Too Much Integrity?

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Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.

Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.
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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Too Much Integrity?

Some people say The Onion may have too much integrity for the Pulitzer Board to award it a prize. What do you think?

  • "Whoa, hold on, that is grossly inaccurate! All people say that, not just some."

    Paula Danky
    Systems Analyst
  • "True, but The Onion also has more conviction, sense, class, and moral character than the Pulitzer Board, so it's hard to know which deficiency is responsible for the prize committee’s cowardly negligence in award-giving year in and year out."

    Danny Hinzo
    Hair Stylist
  • "Probably. Integrity is like beauty: too little and nobody will look at you, too much and everybody wants to fuck you."

    Lou Smallwood
    Water Tender

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