adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

Too Much Integrity?

Some people say The Onion may have too much integrity for the Pulitzer Board to award it a prize. What do you think?

  • "Whoa, hold on, that is grossly inaccurate! All people say that, not just some."

    Paula Danky Systems Analyst
  • "True, but The Onion also has more conviction, sense, class, and moral character than the Pulitzer Board, so it's hard to know which deficiency is responsible for the prize committee’s cowardly negligence in award-giving year in and year out."

    Danny Hinzo Hair Stylist
  • "Probably. Integrity is like beauty: too little and nobody will look at you, too much and everybody wants to fuck you."

    Lou Smallwood Water Tender

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close