Too Much Integrity?

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Too Much Integrity?

Some people say The Onion may have too much integrity for the Pulitzer Board to award it a prize. What do you think?

  • "Whoa, hold on, that is grossly inaccurate! All people say that, not just some."

    Paula Danky
    Systems Analyst
  • "True, but The Onion also has more conviction, sense, class, and moral character than the Pulitzer Board, so it's hard to know which deficiency is responsible for the prize committee’s cowardly negligence in award-giving year in and year out."

    Danny Hinzo
    Hair Stylist
  • "Probably. Integrity is like beauty: too little and nobody will look at you, too much and everybody wants to fuck you."

    Lou Smallwood
    Water Tender