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Too Sexy Too Soon?

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Too Sexy Too Soon?

A new wave of sultry teen pop princesses, including Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Mandy Moore, are drawing fire from concerned parents, who say they present inappropriately sexualized images to little girls who look up to them. What do you think?
  • "I think it's terrible when 16-year-old girls dress up in belly-baring tank tops and tight little skirts. I hate those jailbait cock-teasers."

    Ben Manwell Forklift Operator
  • "Teenagers shouldn't have constant access to sexual images on MTV. They should jerk off to nudie magazines hidden under their mattresses like a normal person."

    Jerome Koepp Systems Analyst
  • "When I was a teen, things weren't like they are today. We had to use our imaginations to picture Petula Clark naked."

    James Reul Histopathologist
  • "These teen singers send young girls the message that if they dress and act provocatively, they will meet with approval from males and go further in life. How ridiculous."

    Janet Schnorr Family Therapist
  • "It was entirely inappropriate for Britney Spears to wear that see-through Catholic schoolgirl outfit in my masturbation fantasy last night."

    John Arvold Locksmith
  • "Kids aren't growing up too fast. My 10-year-old daughter loves Britney Spears, and I trust her not to go all the way with her live-in boyfriend."

    Lynn Phelan Nurse's Aide

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