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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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"Tookie" To Be Executed?

Crips founder, children's book author, and anti-gang activist Stanley "Tookie" Williams is scheduled for execution next week unless granted clemency by Gov. Schwarzenegger. What do you think?
  • "If you saw the spotless highway the Crips adopted, you might change your attitude about this man."

    Myra Koh File Clerk
  • "This should serve as an example to our justice system to kill people before they have a chance to present us with this sort of moral dilemma."

    Frank Whitley Systems Analyst
  • "I'm all for it, but can it be a drive-by lethal injection?"

    Fred Croft Statistician

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