adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
End Of Section
  • More News

Top Mexican Drug Lord Captured

The kingpin of the extremely brutal Zetas drug cartel, Miguel Angel Trevino Morales, known as Z-40, was captured by Mexican Marines while traveling in a pickup truck containing $2 million in cash as well as his bodyguard and personal accountant. What do you think?

  • “Thank God the drug war is finally over.”

    Chip Diffenderfer Unemployed
  • “I hope no one rises up to take his place.”

    Heather Garcia Cabinet Maker
  • “Z-40 is a cool name.”

    Wayne Gomes Rose Grower

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close