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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Top Republicans, Corporations Call For Gay Marriage

Ahead of two upcoming Supreme Court cases challenging the constitutionality of state and federal laws limiting the definition of marriage, more than 80 top Republicans and over 200 corporations sent legal briefs to the justices arguing in favor of same-sex unions. What do you think?

  • “It’s good to see basic human decency and political machinations win out in the end.”

    Seth Behar Systems Analyst
  • “Well, I guess if the corporations are down with it, I am too.”

    Bob Holt Yarn Sorter
  • “That’s a pretty risky move on their part. What if all the gays decided to be straight again?”

    Alicia Athons Casino Manager

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