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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Top-Selling iTunes App Pulled After 3 Days

Just days after launching Peace, a paid ad-blocking app that quickly became a beloved top seller, developer Marco Arment pulled the product and offered a refund to customers, citing a crisis of conscience about hurting businesses that depend on ad revenue. What do you think?

  • “He’s right. As consumers, we have a moral obligation to those whose job it is to keep us from reading the news.”

    Sharon Delcanto Parade Float Driver
  • “But profiting from the financial ruin of fellow businesses is the American dream.”

    Monty McLeod Unemployed
  • “The only thing close to a proper apology would be a new app that provides extra advertising.”

    Will Mullen Experimental Dentist
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God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

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