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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence

Following a dispute between city and county officials over who should pay to prosecute offenders, the Topeka City Council voted to decriminalize misdemeanor domestic violence. What do you think?

  • “I can’t afford to bail him out again, so I guess my asshole husband and I are moving to Kansas.”

    Carrie Lemos Systems Analyst
  • "This wouldn't even be a problem if they had just criminalized back talk."

    Kevin Salerno Sewage-Disposal Worker
  • "But it being illegal was the most fun part about beating my wife."

    Mark Southerland Data Assembler
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