Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Topeka Decriminalizes Domestic Violence

Following a dispute between city and county officials over who should pay to prosecute offenders, the Topeka City Council voted to decriminalize misdemeanor domestic violence. What do you think?

  • “I can’t afford to bail him out again, so I guess my asshole husband and I are moving to Kansas.”

    Carrie Lemos
    Systems Analyst
  • "This wouldn't even be a problem if they had just criminalized back talk."

    Kevin Salerno
    Sewage-Disposal Worker
  • "But it being illegal was the most fun part about beating my wife."

    Mark Southerland
    Data Assembler