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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Toronto Mayor Admits Smoking Crack On Video

Following more than five months of allegations, embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford finally admitted this week that he smoked crack cocaine after police confirmed they had video evidence showing the mayor engaging in such behavior. What do you think?

  • “Look, if you had a full day of ribbon-cutting ceremonies, you’d want to take the edge off too.”

    Graham Croft Racehorse Trainer
  • “It’s a tough call. On one hand, videotaping yourself smoking crack could get you in trouble. On the other, you want to preserve the moment forever.”

    Simon Bird Sewage Plant Operator
  • “In case I ever run for office, I want to come clean now that I smoke crack regularly.”

    Liz Abbott Systems Analyst
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