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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Tourist Ban In Dutch Pot Cafés Upheld

A law prohibiting everyone but Dutch natives and permanent residents from visiting marijuana cafes was upheld in court last week. What do you think?

  • "Wow, they must have a lot of faith in their tourism board’s ability to talk up soused herring."

    Vincent Yuste Wort Extractor
  • "Great. Now what the hell am I supposed to do with my early 20s?"

    Giulia Burgess Tone Artist
  • "That’s okay. I find it’s best to stay sober and alert while visiting Amsterdam so that you can find the best prostitutes."

    Craig Banks Pest-Control Pilot

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