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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.
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Town Seeks To Criminalize Walking And Biking

Officials in the town of Hull, WI are considering an ordinance requiring walkers and cyclists on certain roads to register their trips in advance. What do you think?

  • "I like the safety and convenience of being chauffeured by helicopter as much as the next guy, but sometimes it’s nice to just stretch your legs a bit."

    Nick Randall Mortgage Loan Processor
  • "Well, that’s some good news. I’ve been getting pretty tired of all the damn pedihooliganism around here."

    Craig Harvey Fruit Cutter
  • "It's a way to solve the ongoing mystery of people who walk along the shoulders of highways. Really, why are they there? Where do they come from? Where are they going?"

    Beth Salomon Cathode Maker

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