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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Town Sues Sriracha Factory Over Hot Sauce Odor

The town of Irwindale, CA is suing the local Sriracha hot sauce factory for what residents claim is the overpowering stench of chili peppers and garlic, alleging that the odor causes them to sneeze and cough, gives them headaches, and burns their eyes and throats. What do you think?

  • “Another classic tale of a small town versus a big warehouse full of hot sauce.”

    Marcus Storm Tube Sorter
  • “People always seem to find a way to complain about any little thing that makes their face burn.”

    Baron Panagos Systems Analyst
  • “They should just build a baking soda factory right next door.”

    Christine Wike Silver Inlayer
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God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

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