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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Town Sues Sriracha Factory Over Hot Sauce Odor

The town of Irwindale, CA is suing the local Sriracha hot sauce factory for what residents claim is the overpowering stench of chili peppers and garlic, alleging that the odor causes them to sneeze and cough, gives them headaches, and burns their eyes and throats. What do you think?

  • “Another classic tale of a small town versus a big warehouse full of hot sauce.”

    Marcus Storm Tube Sorter
  • “People always seem to find a way to complain about any little thing that makes their face burn.”

    Baron Panagos Systems Analyst
  • “They should just build a baking soda factory right next door.”

    Christine Wike Silver Inlayer

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