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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Traffic Deaths Rise On Election Day

Researchers noticed an 18 percent spike in traffic fatalities on days a presidential election was held. What do you think?
  • "As county chairman of the Republican Party, I'm naturally concerned about this disturbing trend, and would like to urge all eligible voters to consider staying home to vote on Nov. 4."

    Boris Will
    Republican Party Chairman
  • "Well, this is bound to happen when you get 2 percent of Americans out on the road on the same day."

    Simon Doone
    Cafeteria Worker
  • "At least those people participated in the democratic process and didn't die in vain. Oh, unless they were on their way to the polls, in which case never mind."

    Hil Forrest
    Swimming Instructor
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