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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Traffic Deaths Rise On Election Day

Researchers noticed an 18 percent spike in traffic fatalities on days a presidential election was held. What do you think?
  • "As county chairman of the Republican Party, I'm naturally concerned about this disturbing trend, and would like to urge all eligible voters to consider staying home to vote on Nov. 4."

    Boris Will Republican Party Chairman
  • "Well, this is bound to happen when you get 2 percent of Americans out on the road on the same day."

    Simon Doone Cafeteria Worker
  • "At least those people participated in the democratic process and didn't die in vain. Oh, unless they were on their way to the polls, in which case never mind."

    Hil Forrest Swimming Instructor

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