Travelers Against Body Scanners

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Vol 46 Issue 52

Paper Proposes One-Way Trips To Mars

An article in the Journal Of Cosmology suggests that in order to make a manned flight to Mars an affordable reality in the near future, plans should not include a return trip.

New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It

NEW YORK—While millions of young, tech-savvy professionals already use services like Facebook and Twitter to keep in constant touch with friends, a new social networking platform called Foursquare has recently taken the oh, fucking hell, can't some other desperate news outlet cover this crap instead?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Race Relations

Travelers Against Body Scanners

The TSA has met with a great deal of resistance over the invasiveness of its new body-scanning technology in airports. What do you think?

  • "If you don't want a bunch of strangers looking at you naked, then what the hell are you doing flying on an airplane?"

    Anne Burdick
    Systems Analyst
  • "I just lost twenty pounds. Have fun jacking off to the new me."

    Perry Garcia
    Home Health Aide
  • "At the very least, they should stop trying to sell you a printed photo of your body-scan for $20 as soon as you step out of the machine."

    Larry Vuaghan
    Library Clerk
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