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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Travelers Against Body Scanners

The TSA has met with a great deal of resistance over the invasiveness of its new body-scanning technology in airports. What do you think?

  • "If you don't want a bunch of strangers looking at you naked, then what the hell are you doing flying on an airplane?"

    Anne Burdick Systems Analyst
  • "I just lost twenty pounds. Have fun jacking off to the new me."

    Perry Garcia Home Health Aide
  • "At the very least, they should stop trying to sell you a printed photo of your body-scan for $20 as soon as you step out of the machine."

    Larry Vuaghan Library Clerk

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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