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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Travelocity Fined For Cuba Trips

Internet travel site Travelocity was fined $182,750 for booking trips to Cuba in violation of a 45-year-old embargo. What do you think?
  • "Doesn't the Treasury Department know you can get much better fares to enemy nations on Priceline?"

    Mickey Garvey Train Conductor
  • "As long as we're on the subject, should we just go ahead and fine them for booking trips to Topeka? I have never visited a hotter, more boring city than Topeka, Kansas."

    Molly Vicks Optometrist
  • "I was one of the people who booked a trip and even if I have to pay the whole fine, it's still cheaper than having my surgery done in the States."

    Damien Prow Farm Laborer
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