Trent Lott Resigns

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 48

Lone Gunman Envied By Married Gunman

LOS ANGELES—"Running around firing indiscriminately into a crowd—now that's someone who doesn't have to wake up and go furniture shopping tomorrow," said Henderson.

D.C. Tops In AIDS

The District of Columbia has the highest AIDS rates in the country. What do you think?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Trent Lott Resigns

Trent Lott, the second-ranking Republican in the Senate, announced that he would be leaving office at the end of the year. What do you think?
  • "See, you don't have to wait for a public disgrace before quitting. You can do it two, or even three weeks before."

    Angel McCaskey
    Book Seller
  • "With Lott's announcement and Dog the Bounty Hunter's cancellation, white supremacy really took one on the chin this month."

    Phil Windstrup
    Systems Analyst
  • "This is a great loss for our country, but a huge gain for the principle of decency."

    Kevin Potter
    Craftsman
Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More