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Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Trent Lott Resigns

Trent Lott, the second-ranking Republican in the Senate, announced that he would be leaving office at the end of the year. What do you think?
  • "See, you don't have to wait for a public disgrace before quitting. You can do it two, or even three weeks before."

    Angel McCaskey Book Seller
  • "With Lott's announcement and Dog the Bounty Hunter's cancellation, white supremacy really took one on the chin this month."

    Phil Windstrup Systems Analyst
  • "This is a great loss for our country, but a huge gain for the principle of decency."

    Kevin Potter Craftsman

More from this section

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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