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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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Troops To Darfur

The United Nations is being called on to send peacekeeping forces to keep peace and prevent the genocide in Darfur. What do you think?
  • "Seems like a clear-cut case of favoritism to me. Isn't Kofi Annan from some place in Africa, too?"

    Ellie Jurgenson Manicurist
  • "Tough to see this glass as half-full but, with all the strife on that continent, another "Live Aid" is a real possibility."

    Kevin Macon Beer Vendor
  • "I will lose all respect for the Sudanese refugees if they fail to ask tough questions about the food-for-oil scandal before accepting aid."

    Bran Jefferson Line Cook
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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

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