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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Troops To Darfur

The United Nations is being called on to send peacekeeping forces to keep peace and prevent the genocide in Darfur. What do you think?
  • "Seems like a clear-cut case of favoritism to me. Isn't Kofi Annan from some place in Africa, too?"

    Ellie Jurgenson Manicurist
  • "Tough to see this glass as half-full but, with all the strife on that continent, another "Live Aid" is a real possibility."

    Kevin Macon Beer Vendor
  • "I will lose all respect for the Sudanese refugees if they fail to ask tough questions about the food-for-oil scandal before accepting aid."

    Bran Jefferson Line Cook

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