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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Troops To Stay In Iraq

U.S. military officials recently announced that thousands of soldiers will remain in Iraq for longer than previously stated. What do you think?
  • "At least democracy's flowering over there. They could be here, where it's nearly fucking dead."

    Arthur Rucker Professor
  • "Good. Maybe it'll teach those weaklings some discipline."

    Jessica Burrell Salesperson
  • "As an employer of several U.S. reservists, I have one question: Who's gonna sell these motorboats?"

    Edward Enriquez Sales Manager
  • "I can't imagine why it's taking them so long to accomplish a simple little matter like stabilizing that particular geopolitical region."

    Maude Wilkenson Artist
  • "Boy, the Iraqis better develop a fun pop culture with cute cartoon animals and grown women in schoolgirl uniforms, or this will be a complete waste."

    Sammy Marsh Security Guard
  • "If our soldiers must be involved in a lengthy occupation, at least it's in a place without any dangerous weapons of mass destruction lying around."

    Martin Stearns Systems Analyst

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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